Yule 2011

I am sitting here with a few inches of a scarf for knitted for Narina.  It was supposed to be her yule gift but between getting the yarn a few days before solstice and the illnesses that have plagued our house, it just isn't near finished. 

I love yule.  I love welcoming light into our home and hearts.  We have a beautiful log that we decorated as a family resting on the top of our wood burning stove and a basket in front with simple hand made gifts we are going to exchange tomorrow. 

We hope to start slowly with our traditions so we don't get overwhelmed and both Dan and I are burning the midnight oil trying to finish presents in a way that is far from ideal.  It is meant to be gentle and simple but there has been no time.  So tomorrow, what will be will be as far as the gifts go.  We hope to all go outside together, something we haven't done in a long time due to illnesses and infections.  We hope to make some stars.  We really hope to eat some good healthy foods and just enjoy each other. 

So mote it be... please. 

Oh my

When I had Narina, the months that followed were filled with a baby who fed A LOT, slept a little and wanted constant hugs and snuggles.  I loved each moment and, of course, found some of it hard.  Dan was away so I was very tiered and struggled with my physical recovery.  With Esben's birth came peace.  He is a calm baby who likes to sleep.  He snuggles but also sleeps well on a cushion beside me on the couch.  He feeds well, and during the night, at 2.5 hour intervals exactly.  Esben is an easy baby. 

Life around us seems to be very challenging right now.  Narina has had a chest infection, I have had an infection from the birth, and now Esben seems to have caught Narina's cold.  There is lots of post flood legalities right now that come with renting property instead of owning it, and someone has to do the dishes! Even so, life is starting to become a bit more predictable and that has made it easier around the house.  Hopefully in the next few days we will get our Yule and Christmas decorations up and going. 

The story of my beautiful birthing

 

The past few weeks have flown by.  It happens when you welcome a new life into your own.  It started with a blessing way.  Somewhat like a baby shower but focused more on the connection between women, then the baby that was joining us.  

I had asked women friends, mothers, sisters from around the world to send a bead to me with a short story about motherhood.  The small group of local women gathered at a dear friend’s house (we had a flood in our home the night before the blessingway so I couldn’t host it here).  We all took turns reading the letters from abroad and their own letters.  There were laughs, tears and for me, a real sense of community.  I felt launched into my next phase with a dignity that comes from the union of women. 

 

 

That night I put the beads on a string but it hung heavy.  I wanted to get a better string to put them on so the necklace would be comfortable.  The beads were placed back into a bowl and put on the floor beside the couch. Little did I know that I would be birthing next to that bowl less than 24 hours later.

 

Early in the morning I went into labor.  Narina came over from her side of the bed and I held her close while she slept.  Timing contractions and loving my children.  I slept when I could and practiced my breathing.  Narina woke up at 8 and we all went downstairs.  Narina went to our beloved friend and childminder.  Sarada (my sister in law, doula and dear dear friend),  and I labored.  Daddy-o made it home from Wales by mid afternoon.  My contractions were never that close together.  Never closer than 7 minutes but on average closer to 10 minutes apart.  I walked, I meditated, I slept.  I was well loved and felt very safe. Never worried.  I sat up at 4:30 in the afternoon after a nap and my water broke on our couch.  By 5:08 little Esben Wilf was born into my hands, the hands of the paramedics that came moments before, and with my beautiful husband and dear friend by my side.  I laughed and cried.  I was truly proud of what I had done.

The remainder of my experience wasn’t as smooth.  I didn’t deliver the placenta and had to be brought to the hospital for a manual removal.  Something I don’t recommend.  I remained in the hospital for the following two days, something that seemed very unnatural compared to the elation that my labor was.  Dan, Narina and Sarada visited me when they could and I slept sporadically when I could, holding onto my little lad all the while.  Two weeks later my brother has come and gone with Sarada and I am here alone with Esben while Narina and Dan drop them off at the airport.  My experience this time around was so profound and peaceful.  It was everything I had dreamed a labor could be.  It was largely a very manageable amount of pain, until the last few contractions, and the birth itself not only didn’t hurt but rather felt like an accumulation of all the  positive energy I had coming from friends, loved ones and that I had invested in myself explode in my heart and push downwards. 

Esben is content.  He is beautiful.  Narina cherishes him already and I feel the history of sibling love repeating without any effort on my part.   I am just able to think of it all now and it feels really good.  I couldn’t be more thankful.